From discussions among some of the Gold Star families… feel free to pass along, far and wide.

Nick

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One day in the next few weeks, our Defense Department will release another dry announcement about a U.S. service member killed in Iraq. The press release won’t say so, but he or she will be the 2,000th to die. As this day approaches, we have a message for those who will report this news: we willbe watching. We will pay close attention to the choices you make about how to cover this milestone. We feel the weight of milestones. Those of us who have lost family or friends in this war are touched by each report of a death because we know, better than anyone, what it means to get a visit from Casualty Assistant Officers or a horrible phone call from a relative. With each announcement, we know that another family will discover depths of grief and reactions that they couldn’t have imagined. We know how they will struggle to honor their loss amidst the distractions of politics and commerce.

We know about milestones. We grow anxious, sad and angry as they approach — birthdays, wedding anniversaries, the last day we saw our loved one alive, the day of their last phone call, the day they were deployed, Memorial Day, Veterans Day, Mothers Day and all the other holidays, the day they died, the day we were notified… and deeply personal, secret anniversaries. This imminent milestone, the day we hear that 2,000 have died, is a big one. We know it will be a day that will matter in ways that we can’t even name. We wonder how you will choose to report it.

We aren’t telling you to make No. 2,000 the top news story of the day — it is your job to decide that. We aren’t asking you to abandon objectivity — it is your job to communicate as truthfully as you are able. We only want to remind you of your sacred trust. Our troops are sworn to defend a Constitution that gives you great power and responsibility. Our nation’s founders believed that a free press is so crucial to freedom that it deserved the highest levels of protection. Yours is a noble stewardship.

Where will you be on that day with your cameras, tape recorders and notepads? What will you do, what will you say? Whose stories will you tell? Will hesitate out of fear that you’ll depress your audience? Or will you remember that for our nation, our society and culture, it is a day of grief? There will be protests, speeches and sit-ins. But there will also be 1,999 American families whose thoughts will turn to the family that just joined them, in a bond that transcends economic, political, religious, racial or other divisions, bonded for eternity through the gift of a life laid down for our family of families.

As you consider what to say or write, consider the meaning of “honor.” Honor doesn’t call for agreement, approval or even understanding. Honor is the respect we give to the spirit of self-sacrifice, irrespective of circumstances. Honor is the respect we receive when others are willing to be witnesses to our most painful memories.

Here approaches a special, unfortunate opportunity to honor the sacrifices made in this terrible war. You have the power to lead us in and through a grief that goes far beyond just 2,000 families — each is a personal loss to a family and a public loss to the nation in whose name these servicemen and women gave their lives. We have holidays to honor past wars, but this will be a day to honor the ongoing, living sacrifices of those whose spirit of service costs them time, health, limbs, sanity or their very lives. Each life belongs to a country and a family, and to a nation of families engaged in a tragic war with another nation of families. We ask you, is the 2,000th death the time to stop and truly pay honor? Is this the time to pause and pay respect to those who have given so much? Is this the time to find peace in the midst of war, the peace beyond our understanding that comes not from words but from heart-felt tears we need to share in telling and hearing stories of self-sacrifice, as witnesses to the ghastly choices, helplessness and chaos of war? We hope that many of you choose this milestone as a time not for the news as usual, but a time to rise from the news as usual, a time for honor, grief and healing.

Copyright (c) 2005 Nick Arnett, Santa Clara, Californa, USA Permission is hereby granted to copy and distribute verbatim copies of this article as you receive it, in any medium, provided that you conspicuously and appropriately publish on each copy this copyright notice.